“I have my nudes/sex videos on the internet”. Marry them still?

Photo Credit: Fresh Box Office

By Ebere Mercy

Hey peopleee, it’s our Friday again!

How are you? Your Friday coming fine? Any highlights? Any plans to make it better if it isn’t already? It’s the start of the weekend babies, cheers! And yaaas, it’s December!!!!

So, I am up typing this with a headache the size of West Africa which is aching like a bad tooth in truth. I am just going to take my advise, drink water and live.

Not to bore you with my life sad tale, let’s get down to business:

Would you marry someone who has had their nudes or sex videos on the internet before? The kind that raised dust and got the public talking about the person in whatever manner their view supported – positively or negatively. The person doesn’t have to necessarily be a public figure/celebrity that way. Okay, let’s just say that the person, whether as a celebrity. video fox/vixen, banker, medical doctor, model, or whatever has their nudes or sex video online, and people know about it. I think that’s a better description, don’t you think?

I am not talking the American Kardashian or Beyonce or Bieber’s kind of nude that’s grossing them so much money. Okay, even that too. This your someone could be raking in money from it or has before. You understand what I am saying yea? Nude is nude, but as a Nigerian who has Nigerian parents and a family who think mostly Nigerian, the question still begs, can you marry someone who has bared their birthday suit in all of its entirety on the onlinesphere through nudes or sex videos? How about someone who still does it presently? The Chidinma- cucumber kind or something even more interesting.

Most times, my blog posts are gotten from discussions I have had with people, discussions between other people, my experiences, and other people’s experiences I know. So yesterday, my sister and I got talking about this particular topic. We watched a wedding video where the bride’s ex who was invited to the wedding (because she had made peace with him and was willing to have him around despite her husband saying he wasn’t comfortable with the arrangement) came to play ten ten with their futures.

What happened??

Wait for it……..

Instead of the usual video compilations supposed to give the wedding guests glimpses into the life of the bride, her achievements and all of that, a sex video between her and this ex came up on the projected screen.

Let it be known that the ex mentioned that he masterminded the whole thing because he couldn’t watch her get married to someone that wasn’t him. You blog readers should have seen the pride in his eyes while he said it. He also stated that nobody was ever going to know her body like he did. The video was playing, and he was only too happy to explain how she has a mole under her left breast, and how his tongue knows it better than her husband’s eyes would ever know it. You should have seen the looks on faces of their Nigerian family members – “shookness”. To show how extra he was, some nude photos were also thrown into the mix, and played slow mo style.

From the groom’s reaction, it was obvious the wife had mentioned this part of her life to him before, and they both considered it as part of her youthful exuberance. As much as I craved a plot twist, he left her standing there looking forlorn (he probably couldn’t tolerate these videos and pictures being pushed to his face and his family’s). His family did the same too with so many nods of disapproval. One interesting thing is that her very family bailed on her that moment. They left the hall too.

Immediately after this scene ended, my sister and I started to talk about the video. I asked her if she would be okay with her significant other knowing that he has nudes out there on the internet, or even more interesting, a sex video; if she was going to accept a relationship or marriage with them fully aware that the world knows what they look like without clothes and how beastly or meek they can be in bed.

She said “WHY NOT especially if they were leaked or he is a survivor of one of those malignant diseases and found the need to show his body to tell his story” . She said it is always good to know about these things, like it is always fair the significant other mentions these things in the course of dating, and not just spring it on her moments before they are to be man and wife. She said that if the person is a public figure and she knows about it already, they would still have to talk about it until the air is clear, because they both have to be comfortable in that space.

I then asked if she would be willing to still marry if the person says that it’s their way of life and never mind that other people continually see their nudes, especially if that’s how they make their money or manage to stay relevant. She said “I AM NO KANYE AND I HAVE NO SUCH PATIENCE. WE WOULD HAVE TO END THINGS BECAUSE I’LL ALWAYS FIND IT VERY DISRESPECTFUL. HOW CAN I EVEN TAKE HIM SERIOUS IF THAT’S THE ONLY WAY HE KNOWS TO SURVIVE? WE WOULD HAVE CHILDREN SOME DAY and I don’t want them growing up seeing daddy’s bombom everyday on the internet”. She also said nobody actually needs to put their nudes out there on the internet in order to make money or stay relevant in their world but if they have to, then they should, but not in her marriage; after all Cardi B who lived that life has stopped and is now making good music and raking in her money. She said the whole nude affair has to even be a past for him, because she isn’t going to marry anyone who models for the world that way.

P.S. I had her on record. I needed her exact words, lol.

For me, I can. Sorry if I’m cramping your style but I can. There are so many BUTs though, I mean terms and conditions apply. When I am not eating, sleeping, being goofy, having mood swings or overanalyzing things, I most times tell people, especially women to be proud, confident and comfortable in their skins and bodies. If you aren’t yet, and you have that goal, attain it already. Anyway, I don’t tell them to post their nudes on the internet because I still strongly believe in cloth wearing.

I am one person who is comfortable flashing flesh here and there when necessary, but I still like it for people to wear clothes. I don’t know if it’s just me but there is a special kind of beauty and class that belongs to people when they wear clothes. Good clothes.

That notswithstanding, there are people who are “bold” enough to show the world that they love their entirety through nudes. This might come off as seeking for validation, which might be it. It might have even been done in a bid to make money or remain relevant because “breaking the internet” or just for the purpose of personal thrill, but there are still those who do it for self appreciation or as a means of representing a brand that way, to tell a story or describe an art.

Plot twist: I am Nigerian and it’s unethical to post pictures of you in your birthday suit. Banky W knows better.

Yes, I can go ahead and marry someone who has had their nudes on the internet before. This would depend on how much I love whoever and not even about how committed I am to them. I might have a problem with them if it was a major past they never mentioned, and one I never got to find out myself until later. Anyway, for the nudes, I’d still love to know about everything surrounding them. That way, I can feel sane.

What I am not sure I can live with is if this thing is something you do for a living or one that you have to do even after marriage. It’s something about me loving privacy and loving it hard, plus I want to be the only one who gets to see you that way, to be honest. If we are going to get married, you are going to have to find other fun activities like mountaineering, doing the dishes or any of Nigerian extreme sports. If you feel the need to show nudes, I want to be the only one who sees them. That isn’t too much to ask of my man, yea?

P.S. Whenever I mention nude on here, I mean stark naked nude.

Well, for sex videos, I don’t know really. It’s one thing knowing you’ve been with someone else that way, it’s quite different knowing that there is always going to be an internet reminder somewhere. It’s still another thing knowing if it was deliberately posted by you or just leaked by your past lover or a third party. If it was in the past, it’s a yes for me after you clear things with me.

Somewhere in our subconsciousness, we know sex should be private but we are all almost thrilled seeing others act out what many of us do behind closed doors and beneath sheets. This explains the hurt and reduced self esteem when it is released by somebody else. I am just trying to explain that nobody really wants anyone seeing them snake it out in bed except money is involved maybe. Imagine your parents having to watch your video. Even white parents would be hurt a bit if not so much.

These things could be a match to gasoline situation for the persons involved in a relationship, so communication is always best. These things could happen to anybody also.

I have said too much already. It’s your turn to talk to me. What do you think?

Have a turnt weekend babies.

New Rules – Dua Lipa

Editor’s Note: This post was first published on EBERE MERCY’s blog, CRISNG was granted permission to repost it.