By Udeagha Miracle
Growing up, I used to hear the saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. I always wondered why being seperated from a loved one would make you miss the person or develop more fondness for that person. It didn’t make any sense to me then because I was of the opinion that when two people genuinely love each other, they will always make out time for each other no matter how busy their lives may get. Why should they have to create distance to realize how fond they are of each other unless they have doubts?
But over time, I’ve come to realize that distance in a relationship can be a good or bad thing depending on how both partners utilize it.
Maybe a partner has a new job that has him/her relocating to another state. Or moving to a new country for further studies. It could even be traveling for a few weeks to another town.
Moving away from your partner for any reason could make you feel uneasy. You don’t know whether this distance between you two would grow wider or the absence of your partner would make you fonder of them.
Their absence could bring you guys closer or further create distance in your relationship. In this post, I’ll share with you what you can do to overcome the distance that your career or any other factors create between the two of you.
If you have never been away from your partner and this is going to be your first time, then the thought of staying separate for a while could be scary, and you may worry about how it may affect your relationship.
Ideally, it is believed that the absence of your loved one could make you crave them even more. However, if that absence becomes a distance with time, then it could be a problem for your relationship. Let’s see how absence could make the heart grow either fonder or wander.
How Does Absence Make The Heart Grow Fonder?
In the initial stages of the relationship, all you want to do is spend as much time as possible with your partner. But after some time, you will realize that you are missing the ‘me time.’ You or your partner may start to feel burdened or too claustrophobic being with each other all the time. This is when the “I need some space” thoughts creep in.
Every normal relationship should have some level of individual space and privacy. When you are apart from your partner, you would be able to reflect on your need for each other and realize how much your partner means to you.
Some amount of distance in a relationship would create that longing for each other and also help you both become better for each other. It could also improve trust and compatibility, which are all important in building a strong interdependent relationship.
Too much distance though, could put a strain on the relationship.
How Does Absence Make The Heart Wander?
Too much distance could create room for thoughts to go astray. Life is all about changing priorities. When you are away from your partner for a long while, there are chances that something or someone would enter into your life, and you may slowly get inclined towards them.
Eventually, the need for your partner could be replaced by a need for something else. You may no longer want your partner to be at your side. Such a situation could also lead to cheating. That’s how too much distance between you and your partner may make the heart wander. (This does not in any way excuse cheating though).
Some other problems that could arise due to excess distance in a relationship include no excitement, loss of emotional and sexual compatibility, miscommunication, and chances of falling out of love.
In any case, certain things can be done to overcome the absence of a partner in a relationship.
Things Couples Can Do To Overcome The Absence
Even when you are away from each other, you should be connected. Here are a few ways you can keep your bond strong even during absence.
1. Schedule timely communication
Fix a flexible time to communicate with each other. It could be through texts, video calls, skype, or any other convenient medium. When you are talking to each other, make sure you’re not distracted and your focus is on your partner.
Besides this, see that you are in touch through messages and updating each other about anything significant. For example, sharing pictures if you attended an event. Such gestures would leave no room for any misunderstandings between you two.
2. Surprise each other
To keep the fun alive in the relationship, you need to keep doing something spontaneous. Either send your partner a gift or send a video expressing how much you love them or surprise them with an unplanned visit. Doing so could bring you and your partner closer. Also, it keeps your relationship happy and smooth all the time.
3. Stay emotionally connected
Even when you are away from each other, you and your partner can stay connected emotionally by expressing how you feel, how much you miss each other, and what you would do when you were together. Also, you can share your intimate feelings about missing each other’s touch and share pictures whenever possible. You do not have to keep your sex life suppressed just because you are not with each other physically.
4. Exchange gifts and share things
If you cannot be at your partner’s side, make sure some stuff of yours is. Gift them something that whenever they use, they think of you. Keep each other’s photographs on your laptop or on the wall that remind you of the beautiful moments that you have spent with each other. Such small yet wonderful things could keep you together even when you are far away from each other.
5. Think about your partner and the relationship
In case you feel sad or lonely about being afar, remember beautiful moments from your relationship that made you happy. All those memories could pump you with the energy and excitement you need to overcome the loneliness of being away from your partner.
6. Make an effort
You need to try your best to keep your relationship alive. When you are away from each other, you need to make an extra effort to be stronger and have more faith in your relationship. Never take your partner for granted and keep doing something to make them feel special. Let them know and feel how much they mean to you. This will ensure a third party doesn’t come between you and your loved one.
7. Prioritize your relationship
You are away from your partner for a reason. That itself is prioritizing something else over your partner. Beyond that, you should not take your partner or your relationship casually. Always make sure that your partner is one of the main priorities of your life and never let them feel neglected. Try to organize your life and arrangements in such a way that your relationship doesn’t come last.
Staying connected with your partner is within your limits. Try to make the distance a motivation for strengthening your bond. Only then can the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” have meaning.
This post first appeared on Mira’s-Not-So-Secret Diary. CRISPNG obtained permission to publish it.