By Euphemia Nwele
Relationship gives man and woman a value system, it gives them principles to live by. Man has a need for relationship, that’s why even during creation, God thought it wise that man should not be alone, and no matter how close you are to yourself you will always have the need for a relationship, you will always have need for people around you.
No one on earth is different to the extent of not having emotional needs, a need to be around someone or with someone, the need for friendship, partnership and ‘companionship’.
Just as man cannot do without the physical needs of food, water and shelter, women cannot survive without these five emotional needs:
Need for affection: This means you love her despite her mistakes, just as she is, unconditionally. Women by design is meant to function on affection. A woman who is starved of love suffers emotionally.
A woman needs her partner to show great concern for her general well-being. For women, affection is not sex. No! Any hug or kiss that is sexual does not pass as affection to her, affection to her is you speaking her love language (see my article on 5 Love Languages), it is you understanding her and caring for her, been fond of her. Men, women crave your gentleness, tenderness, warmth, devotion, and endearment. The little things you do here, matters to her.
Intimate conversation: Ever wonder why after sex, the woman wants you to hold her or talk to her? Well, it is her need for intimacy, it is the everyday conversation that she desires with you, she needs you to be interested in her feelings, her concerns and things concerning her.
Intimate conversation is meant to reveal feelings, men do not enjoy talking as much as women do, but then men should learn to adjust. “I want my man to focus on me as we talk, to put off the TV drop his phone and just look at me, to listen” these words are words you would hear after marriage if you do not satisfy the need for intimate conversation.
Men, you need to set aside dedicated time for the purpose of connecting about the day, problems, achievements, dreams, fears, and goals.
Honesty and openness: This is a need that gives her a sense of security and builds her trust and integrity with you. You need to share your innermost thoughts and feelings with your woman. This need works in line with intimate conversation.
Give your woman radical honesty; one with emotional openness (revealing your thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes), historical honesty (revealing your past especially one that could affect your present or future), current honesty (talking about your day and activities), and future honesty (your goals and plans).
For this need, it is a no secret zone.
Financial support: She needs you to talk about finance with her, talking about the kids school fees, who gets to work and who doesn’t, who earns higher and if it could affect any plans.
Women like the fact that ‘their man’ can provide for them, so even if she earns higher than you do – send her cash without her asking. It gives her a sense of care and providence. Let her know that you can take care of her.
Family commitment: Women need help from their husbands in taking care of the children, they need you to actively be involved in the lives of your children. They want you to be able to play board games with the kids, to have meals together as a family, to attend activities, to teach the kids about finance and playing sports with them.
This no doubts enable you actively play the fatherhood role in the lives of your kids. Parenting takes time and effort and should not be left alone for the woman. She needs to know that you are ‘in this with her’.
Let’s face it, when we feel romantic love from our partner, divorce is thrown out of the window; so understanding your woman’s needs only opens more doors to a happy marriage. But women, I have to ask, do you also know his emotional needs?
See my next article on ‘Your man’s emotional needs’ for insights into the needs of a man.