Commitment in a relationship: Whose responsibility?

By Tesia Anigbo

Commitment in marriage in this 21st century is not much treated as golden as it was in the days of our fathers and mothers, mostly due to the fact the we live in an age where we are disposed of things that get spoilt rather than fix it like it was done in ages past. Marriages flourished for decades in the olden days while in this age we see an avalanche of divorce cases and most take place over trivial issues that the couples could have sorted out amicably if there was truly commitment to the union.

There are various reasons why marriages fail. Some people attribute it to loss of love in the union which leads to a lot of things: loss of trust, jealousy, lack of commitment, and most of all the use of “me” instead of “we”, and then eventually cheating creeps in like a thief in the night.

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Over time, experiences have shown that love solely cannot guarantee the total success of a union. Of course everyone falls in love but that alone cannot do the work of keeping your relationship above waters. Love is a beautiful creature, when it decides to visit you the encounter is always inundating, you keep wanting more and even ask it to stay forever however, there will come a time when the intensity starts to minimize. When the feelings of love start to dwindle it does not mean you do not love your partner anymore, you do not end the relationship at this point or start to cheat because you don’t feel the love anymore as you used to. Commitment from you as a spouse comes to the forefront when love starts to decrease.

“Over time, experiences have shown that love solely cannot guarantee the total success of a union. Of course everyone falls in love but that alone cannot do the work of keeping your relationship above waters. Love is a beautiful creature, when it decides to visit you the encounter is always inundating, you keep wanting more and even ask it to stay forever however, there will come a time when the intensity starts to minimize. When the feelings of love start to dwindle it does not mean you do not love your partner anymore, you do not end the relationship at this point or start to cheat because you don’t feel the love anymore as you used to. Commitment from you as a spouse comes to the forefront when love starts to decrease.”

Life without challenges will be mundane and the same apply in marriage. Cheating is the major setback that tests the validity of a union. It will shock you to know that cheating on your partner does not necessary mean you do not love him or her. In fact being married will not negate you from catching feelings for other people. Hey! Don’t get this wrong, we are not validating cheating.

As humans, we develop feelings for different people but we decide who to love and share our entire life with. You see, to love is a decision it goes beyond mere feelings to a commitment level because Love is a choice not a feeling, you choose to love a person not feel to love a person. Commitment to your spouse makes you triumph over the numerous challenges you will encounter in the marriage.

Indeed, love is a prerequisite for marriage but the success depends on commitment.  Though, love and commitment must be in tandem in a marriage but we believe that commitment from spouses play a greater role here. This is because relationships succeed mostly because of our head not our heart. Decisions are made with our heads not with our hearts. Commitment to your husband or wife is your responsibility and not that of “love” love is abstract but you are concrete.

Every marriage is tempted emotionally, financially and psychologically, the ones that conquer these hurdles did so as a result of commitment to their cause “for better or worse till death do you part”. For you to even want to be committed to your spouse already means you love him or her. Love may have got you to set the date for the wedding and make you walk down the aisle but only, I repeat only, commitment will get you to say the vows and sign the contract “I do”.

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Commitment which is your responsibility to your spouse in the face of obstacles especially, cheating reveals your emotional maturity, self-control and empathetic intelligence. Believe it, love alone will not be enough to keep your marriage going when you start catching feelings for someone way better than your spouse. However, understanding that commitment is greater than feelings is the great arsenal that will extinguish that impulse.

When the love in your marriage starts to diminish, it’s now your responsibility to make it work, not love’s responsibility. Remember your marriage is an institution and you learn daily, no relationship is perfect; on the long run, commitment and not just love keeps you together forever. In commitment, there is passion, love focus and determination to make it work.

On a final note, falling in love does not necessarily mean staying in love, to stay in love you need commitment. You can love your job yet if you’re not committed to it, you will lose interest in it, so also in marriage which is the oldest institution in life, to ever see something to the end you have to be committed to start, committed to see it through and see it to the end. Love may be the fuel, but commitment is the whole engine to make it work.

Falling in love may seem easy, but staying in love, nurturing it and it leading to marriage? Only the mature, strong and ones willing to be committed do that. So, you see? Commitment to your union is your responsibility and not love’s.

First love then stay committed that’s the key!.

“Falling in love may seem easy, but staying in love, nurturing it and it leading to marriage? Only the mature, strong and ones willing to be committed do that. So, you see? Commitment to your union is your responsibility and not love’s.”

 

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