By Olabisy Raymond
Are there set questions to ask during a date? What actually forms what wrong questions are? Especially on the first date. For many of us, whatever happens on that first date is what forms whatever impression we would keep of the person.
Of recent, a young woman took to the social media to share what a young man did wrong: during their first date, he asked questions pertaining to what her long term goals were! She felt there were other necessary but basic questions he could ask her.
Their date night, which of course ought to form a foundation of a relationship, whether romantic or not turned to what made them enemies because of a single question. I learnt the lady left the man at the table in anger.
On a more serious note, what sort of questions are we meant to ask during the first date? This goes both ways, for men and women.
First of all, I’d want us to understand that there are no wrong or right questions to ask during a date. However, there are factors you should put into consideration which would enable you know what sorts of questions you’d throw around. These will be discussed in subsequent paragraphs.
Your date partner’s personality
Take a look at the person you want to go an a date with. Except it is a blind date, you must have had the opportunity to speak with the person either by phone call or on social media, all thanks to technology. Is he/ she one who loves to take life one day after the other or a very serious minded fellow who doesn’t even take out time to joke?
You can’t possibly be asking someone who loves to party hard and probably has no job yet, what his long terms career plans are. He/she is just meeting you and might just want to start a friendship with you but might not see you yet as one who should have a peek into their future plans.
Take it slowly, the questions can come from the very most basic thing such as the favourite colour, dishes or stuffs like that. You could even discover something interesting about him/her from there. Just be relaxed and know you’d both have fun. Your date partner is not coming for an interview or to fill some form of questionnaire.
Well, there might be exceptional cases though where the dates are fixed for such things but if not, it’s a no no. What’s the rush for? If truly you’re interested in someone, you’d still have more time together, more time for more questions. It’s one phase at a time. Studying their personality traits should be able to help you know what movies they like, their taste in fashion, music, food, among other things which would help you ask questions, sensible questions in that direction.
The situation or being that brought you together
You might have met at a cinema, in church, in school or even at work! Let the questions revolve around things like this also. You are great and good to go, you’d never run out of questions if you flow with this. However, you should watch out so you don’t offend your date partner with questions that aren’t thought out carefully.
For instance, you met her in a church and during the date you ask why she isn’t a worker yet after all she sees that you’re a very devoted member of the choir. She might or might not get offended but the former is what you should expect except you’re lucky. While trying to make the date fun and all, you should look out for the way your questions are crafted so as not to turn him/her off. In your case, you might not have someone who would leave you at the table, but you might have just lost a listener who’d end up spewing rubbish ad responses.
The kind of job they do
When you meet someone for the first time and learn about their occupation, if you base your questions on this, you are likely to have their attention and the conversation flows smoothly.
Your date partner is a tutor and you ask questions as regards his/her students or learners, how they cope with students especially the young ones and stuffs like that, you’re likely to get a lecture as they’d be willing to talk about what they love doing or what they dislike about the job, cause not everyone loves their jobs.
Questions relating to this too might bring up the wrath of the other person if you start asking about the income level, or a stupid question like, ‘what qualification even got you this job?’ for crying out loud, you’re being too insensitive!
What if it wasn’t about the qualification but who they know or have in the company? You’d get to know that much later when they earn your trust, moreover it’s still a first date, they might not see it as a necessary discussion.
Though, there are many other things to consider but I’d just limit to these there. However, all these should be done with caution. A woman took to Facebook some days ago to complain about how someone hooked her up with a guy simply because she was already in her late thirties and single.
This was not even a date. The man, potential suitor, who learnt that this woman is a Real Estate Agent, picked up this phone to call and asked her if she earns as much as a certain amount in a month.
She didn’t reply, he asked her to send her account number while he credits her. Funny right? But also a stupid move. He lost whatever chance he might have with her with that question. It is understandable that you might be apprehensive. You don’t know this person so well and you don’t know what might trigger their anger.
Another problem (but this is particular to with men) is, you don’t want to be labelled too simple, hence, see basic questions as too basic. Why don’t you start from the basic? After all, you’re just getting to know each other well.
Moderation is the key. Too many questions can annoy. And while crafting the questions, those extra statement that come after should not be too centered on you as a person. A question like, ‘so what do you intend to do with that client? if it was me, I’d assure her first of a 25% increase in her customer base’ can make you look too self-centered especially if you say such too many times. It isn’t you so keep it at that.
The other person too ask questions if they want to and if they want to do any other thing, make room for that. You shouldn’t be expecting them to answer your questions when they’re eating.
To cap it all, let your date be fun for you and your date partner, not a long boring interview session.