Physical touch, quality time… How to learn your partner’s love language
By Miracle Udeagha
There are times when we feel like we put in so much effort into our relationships but still we aren’t on the same page as our partner. Whether we show them love by doing extra jobs around the house, expressing how you feel about them, or giving them a big hug at the end of a hard day, nothing seems to be working. Whatever you do to try to express love for your partner, they just don’t show their love for you in the same way. Why is that?
Every person receives and understands love in a specific language and what makes us feel love isn’t necessarily the same for our partner. You may just be expressing your own love languages and this is why your partner isn’t reacting the way you expect them to.
By better understanding your partner’s languages you can in turn understand your partner by identifying how they show you love and how you should show them love – overall strengthening the bond and communication in the relationship.
There are a lot of ways to find out your partner’s love languages. You can study your partner closely to find out their language. There are online quizzes and tests you and your partner can take or better still you can outrightly ask them to tell you how you can love them.
For those of us who may not already know, let’s take a look at the five love languages, which primary love language you and your partner identify with, and how you can use them to your advantage.
Words of affirmation
While we all want appreciation from our partner, literal words of kindness can bring your partner’s mood up like crazy. A simple “I love you” can be all it takes or “I appreciate what you did for me” can really show them your love in the most effective way. If using words of affirmation is your partner’s primary love language, express your love to them with words, but use them well. Your partner will take everything you say to heart, whether good or bad, so be careful what you say during a lover’s quarrel. Give them praise, you’ll quickly see your partner shifting into a better, lighter mood! This happens to be my major love language.
Acts of service
My second love language happens to be acts of service. They are quite a common love language, so if your partner receives love by seeing you help out around the house, there are easy solutions to show your love for them. They don’t want to hear “I love you” they want to see it – go grocery shopping or fold the laundry because they will just love it! Something as small as preparing breakfast or washing the dishes after dinner shows your partner you care and want them to relax. While you might not be talking to your partner about love, doing simple acts of service for them can speak to them on a much deeper level.
Gift-giving is part of life, especially on special occasions like birthdays and Christmas. But your partner receives love by receiving physical things when it isn’t a holiday. It’s a physical token of your appreciation and shows them you’re thinking of them. To your partner, it shows you understand them with something as simple as a homemade present or flowers you picked on the way home. Something as simple and thoughtful as sending them lunch during work hours shows them how much you care and can instantly boost their mood!
One of the best ways you can show your love for them is by shutting off the outside world whenever you guys are together. So it’s time to put your phone on Do Not Disturb and pay attention to them. Whether you share things about your day, listen to them talk, plan for the future, or simply prepare dinner together, you’re investing in a deeper connection with your partner by just providing undivided attention. Next time they enter the room simply stop what you’re doing and watch them – if they notice you and start talking, provide open body language and show them you’re ready to give them all of your attention. People with this love language tend to come off as being “too needy” but truth is spending quality time with their significant other is how they like to be loved.
From simply holding hands, hugging, kissing, sitting next to each other and making love, your partner understands touch as your way of showing them love. If their primary love language is physical touch, they need to literally feel your presence when you are together. It’s a very direct way to express love to your partner and can be quite effective when delivered with tenderness and care. Next time they’re standing in the kitchen, simply give them a hug from behind or a soft kiss on the forehead – their face will light up with a smile and you would have made their day.
I hope I’ve been able to explain the five love languages better. Showing love to your significant other shouldn’t be difficult. Understanding their love languages would make things much easier and help to better the relationship.
Note: This article was first published here.