By Euphemia Nwele
You might have come across books and articles on how to love right, 100 ways to love your woman, and so on. But in all people still find it difficult understanding how to express love to their partners, hence the reason for this article.
Inspired by Gary Chapman’s book on 5 love languages, I write to make you understand that men and women are made differently and as such have different ways they perceive this thing called love.
In life and relationships communication is a vital tool for growth and understanding. it is so important that man cannot live without communication, and love cannot survive without you knowing how to say ‘I love you’ to your partner.
Just as we have different languages in the world, your emotional love language and that of your partner may differ, not knowing your partners love language limits your communication. The five love languages for both men and women are thus;
1. Words of Affirmation: this are people who love compliments, who read meaning to words and always take sensitivity to your words, you tell them you look good or you love the way they smell and the boom for the rest of the day. This set of people are satisfied with words. For the lady, telling her how much you love her and what she means to you speaks volume to her.
To people whose love language is words of affirmation, words have effect and meaning that other people could be blind to.
Wordsof affirmation are words that are impactful, calm and positive, words that lifts a dead spirit, words that make you want to live again, words that form a shell of beauty in your heart. We have to learn to speak life-giving words, positive words, true and confident words that build others up.
Recall how when you get a compliment on how good you look or speak, your confidence boosts? Or how you still remember the words someone use on you that hurt you? This is as a result of your love language and many people living around us keep words as memories till they die.
Many of the people in our lives crave words, and it’s up to us to learn how to speak them, to speak kindness, gratitude, forgiveness and truth.
2. Physical Touch: Human beings have trillions of nerve cells that from birth, we cry out for physical touch. Studies show that infants who are not touched are more likely to be physically, mentally, and emotionally delayed. In extreme cases, babies who received minimal touch have actually died.
Babies inherently understand their need for touch, which explains why they will often stop crying when they’re picked up. Tender, affirming Touch is a fundamental language of love.
Human contact by hugs, kisses, holding of hands, cuddle, and so on affirms the touch language. A person who unconsciously (is fond) do these things can be said to be a touchy-lovey person.
Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love. If someone’s primary love language is Touch, then your touches speak more loudly than your words. If you withhold touch, the person will feel isolated and doubt your love.
If a friend feels low and you clasp his shoulder, you’re communicating, “I care. You’re not alone.” when you kiss a friend in the forehead it communicates trust, Touch communicates emotionally, not just physically, it can communicate desire, care, trust, and love.
3. Quality Time: recent times shows that everyone has busy schedules as such they quickly dash in and out of your life forgetting that spending time together with a loved one could be that priceless unforgettable gesture.
When you are been invited to the movie theater or a hang out at the park, it could be that the person inviting you just wants to spend time with you or they just love movies but then it is important we understand people’s love language so as to best communicate with them.
The person who craves Time just wants you: your time, your attention, and your company, undivided attention communicates love to a quality-time-person. Emotional level is increased when you express genuine love through the gift of your time.
Quality Time does not mean we must spend all our moments gazing deeply into each other’s eyes or doing everything with the same friend. Spending time together means doing something we both enjoy. The particular activity is secondary, only a means to creating the sense of togetherness. To express love to this person you need to learn to listen, and speak.
4. Act of Service: this intends you doing something intentional, kind, unexpected and helpful for someone else. It could be by cleaning the bathtub, volunteering at occasions or in church, going to the grocery shop for your wife, fixing the bulb or taking out trash.
An act of service means the world to some persons, I remember sometime ago a friend of mine needed to complete his assignment before dawn and he was already tired from the work of the day, I offered to help him complete the assignment and although I did not finish it he still reminds me of that act and still says thank you for it. It was a meaningless act to me but meaning to him.
Act of service does not involve force, it is different from having to force someone to do something for you, act of service is a choice, a willing act.
To spark your own service revolution you could try: Making breakfast for your mom on her birthday; Carrying the groceries in from the car; Doing your brother’s chores during his finals week; Watering the flowers at a neighbor’s house without getting paid; Asking your teacher, “Need any help?”; Volunteering for Habitat for Humanity; Teach the wild, little preschoolers at church; Writing down homework assignments for an absent friend; Serve as a family at the homeless shelter; Visiting your friend whose dad has cancer (bearing gifts).
5. Gifts: I personally cherish gifts, I hold them dearly that I do not lend out my gifted items, this could be a sign of gifts been my love language.
Gifts are the most assumed love language, I mean who would not want to find a gift box at their doorstep? A gift is a visual representation of a person’s love to another that is valuable. Value is what crowns this love language, take for instance your house is at the verge of destruction and you were asked to pick up the things you need, most people who do end up picking things that to you are do not make sense why?
Because to them it is of great value not because of the price but because of the memory accompanying such gift.
Gifts come under the range of different things, different size, color, price and duration. It could be a perishable item or a non perishable item.
Gift giving is the easiest love language to learn, Like all love languages, the more specific and personal you speak it, the more loved the recipient feels. What most people with the love language of Gifts want others to understand is that they value being known. They feel loved because someone took the time and effort to get them something personal and thoughtful. Excellent gift giving is only accomplished by getting to know someone well, which requires a detective mindset.
Understand that people can have more than one love language but then there are placements for each, and a primary love language that surpasses all.
The truth is that people rarely marry partners who share their primary love language. Instead, guys who are built up by words of affirmation fall in love with girls who are built up through acts of service (or quality time or gift giving). Women who experience love primarily through gift giving are drawn to men who experience love through quality time (or physical touch or acts of service).
In the first stages of the relationship, when the couple is drunk with infatuation, they may not notice the language barrier. They may be so eager to please each other that they do things that are out of character—that is, they speak a love language they don’t understand.
They stay up all night talking about hopes and dreams. They take long walks, holding hands and walking with their arms around each other. They exchange small but meaningful presents.
Any concerns they may have about their differences get swept away in the tsunami of romance and excitement. The result? Two married people who speak and respond to different primary love languages.
Everyone on earth has a love language, it may take time finding it out but it is possible and necessary in a relationship. Love languages are teachable to partners, you can teach your partner your love language so he/she knows what to do to make you feel loved.