By Nwele Euphemia
Last week, we saw how important marriage vows are, and how your marriage vow is a covenant between you, your partner and God. I scratched the surface talking about how marriage vows should be made to suit the personalities of those getting married, so, on this episode of “understanding marriage vows” I would elaborate on it.
Peoples personality differ, their personality includes traits, attitude and character that defines them. Peoples personality trait could be good and bad, but for the sake of the point of this article I would stick to the bad traits.
People could be proud, arrogant, controlling, corny, wicked and so much more. Despite this, everyone on earth still have that one person that seems to understand them and look beyond all their shortcomings.
However, that you love someone does not mean that when they start been manipulative or controlling you would not have your fair share of that attitude especially when it comes from your partner.
The covenant of marriage makes it possible that two people become one, so whatever you do affects your partner too, an aggressive woman could get her husband in trouble when she gets into one.
We sometimes can not decide who we fall in love with or decide how and where we want to meet our life partner. People get married to women older than they are, men who are quick to anger.
In a situation where the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with is older than you or she earns much more than you do as the man, what happens? If one day in the hit of an argument she blurts out ‘do not talk back at me, I have brothers like you at home’ or ‘you cannot demand to know where I go all the time. Afterall, I go out to make money’? what do you do?
What happens in such situation? Most times the man’s ego is bruised and he feels small but yet he cannot do anything about it, because well he promised to stay by her forever. This is why vows should be written to fit the personalities.
In a case like the above, in the woman’s vows, she should include ‘I promise to always be submissive to you and respect you, to always share what I have with you’ (when she earns more it is important that she knows that in this thing called marriage you both are one so she needs to share) this binds her and she constantly remembers that if she should act otherwise she is going against her vows (covenant).
If the man is hot tempered include in his vow that ‘I promise to always care for you, to understand you and not be quick to anger’. When he faults this vow, you know that he has broken the covenant and it becomes a threat to your marriage, marriage should not be an endurance firm, this is to make sure that the woman does not live in hell all her life.
It is true that peoples shortcomings can be worked on, it is true that you should as a person work on your attitude and work towards been the right person for your partner just as they do the same for you; but notwithstanding, since the vows is a part of your lives and serves as the foundation of your marriage, it should include the that you meet the needs of your partner.
It should be written to suit their personalities; a vow should be a commitment by the woman to meet the needs of the man and a commitment by the man to meet the needs of the woman. When you know that the woman you are getting married to is hot headed and stubborn you as the pastor or priest might want to include in the vow a promise that she would submit and respect, because it is easier said than done.
Priests should develop a vow to suit that couple with health issues (could be HIV, could be that the woman lost her womb, or one person has a reckless past; so, no one uses anything against anyone in the nearest future), develop a vow for people who are wealthier.
When you make a commitment to marry someone, you are committing to the persons flaws and the persons being so do not ever use their traits against them, help them work on it. Make vows that protect the interests of the two people involved.
You might be wondering if people can write their vows themselves, well, watch out for next weeks episode to find out if you are allowed to write your own marriage vows or not.
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