By Nwele Euphemia
There are major differences between a man and a woman, and that influences the way we communicate. So, we need to pay attention to those differences while trying to understand each other, it will help you get rid of the irritation you feel towards your partner.
In Stephen R. Covey’s book (7 habits of highly effective people) the second habit says – ‘seek first to understand then to be understood’, of course what comes to us naturally is to put forth our own explanation and point, but a lot of times we run into trouble or disagreement.
You could have an argument with your wife/husband, while saying the same thing. Because, while we are trying to put forth our own point the other person is trying to put out his/her own point. It would be easier if we go behind the other persons eyes and try to see what they are seeing, sometimes we are actually thinking in the same direction but here we are arguing from different lights.
A man needs to understand how a woman feels and thinks and a woman needs to try to understand how a man thinks and feels, when this happens your discussions with your partner would take a deeper level, it would develop an emotional connection.
You know how it always put a smile on your face when you are talking to your friend or partner and they seem to understand what you are trying to say while you speak, or how they can even finish a sentence that you start? It is because of the level of understanding you both have, somehow, they have been able understand how you think and feel.
This principle (so to say), affects all kinds of relationship, not just the marriage relationship, the need to understand how the other person thinks, how the other person sees the situation. Generally, men are logical in their approach to life, men think and analyze. Women on the other hand, also think but, they sympathize they add emotions to their thoughts most times. There are exceptions of course, but most of the times, men use their head and women use their heart.
For instance, when somebody is upset or worried, a woman would pick it faster than a man would because it is an emotion that is been expressed, even from the gestures, from the body movement, she could pick it. She could tell faster when you are transferring aggression while talking to her, she could dictate most of your feelings.
A man would rarely know that someone is upset except he sees tears or he sees someone throw a tantrum, for the man when he sees the flowing down because he analyzes, instead of him to try to feel what the wife feels, he tries to interpret the tears, and because he would not shed the tears easily it is alarming for him to see her shed tears. This is why men are advised to read books or try to understand how a woman thinks or feels, because most times they cannot tell when their partner is unhappy, or when she’s had a bad day, when she is troubled or when she is angry.
You see women struggling to get him to notice that she is angry at him, or that this is how she feels, and she cannot just blurt out ‘baby I am angry or unhappy’ she wants you to be able to observe and ask her what the problem is. Truth is women and men think, feel and act differently, that is why going an extra mile to see that you understand your partner is necessary, and this principle of seeing through the eyes of your partner is a huge step in getting to understand them better.
When you can think and feel at the same time you have – empathy, the capacity to quickly get into the other persons shoes makes your relationship accurate, and tasty.
Look out for the interest of your partner.
This article was culled from the message ‘Secret to Emotional Connection’ by Pastor Sam Adeyemi senior pastor of Day Star Christian Center.