By Nwele Euphemia
“I met my boyfriend (married though) three months ago and I must say since then we have been inseparable…”
This was the tale of a young girl on Joro’s page.
I am still in shock, I am trying to recover from the thought of her calling another woman’s husband her boyfriend comfortably.
Ewoo Chimo (this means Oh My God in Igbo, a Nigerian language). How can this be? Well, maybe there are reasons to justify it.
In the recent times the number of young ladies seen dating married men is worrisome. I mean, women ought to look out for each other if not for anything at least for the sake of karma, or don’t you think?
I took to hearing other people’s view on this (dating married men), and Isaac, a student of the University of Nigerian Nsukka (UNN) has this to say:
“I think its uncalled for, especially when the man in question is way older than you.
For instance, you see a lady dating a married man who is 50 years old or more. You could say the man is old enough to be her father. There’s no pleasure derived from this act as this tend to be a cause of so many broken homes today.
As a man, no matter how bad you think your wife is, it shouldn’t give you enough reason to seek solace in another woman’s heart. After all, you made the vow; ‘for better, for worse’
Isaac went on to affirm that the practice of dating married men has become a norm in the society.
“This practice has become a norm in our society. The world itself is turning into something else but there are certain things that must be put into consideration.
“This may not only lead to marital consequences, but physical abuse, psychological trauma and social problems.
“When you start dating another woman, you loose interest in your wife and everything she does starts irritating you. If it’s the type of man that gets angry easily, he would end up beating his wife and this might become a habit which is very dangerous.
“Girls who do that are just ladies who are not contented with what they have and they do it because those Sugar daddys have more money and provide more than young guys.
” It can break homes,it can make a man to neglect his duties to his children, which am sure if the girl dating someone’s daddy were to be in the children’s shoes, she won’t be happy and funny enough what some ladies don’t know is that you age faster wen your mix ur blood with that of an old man.
“Or for instance if the woman finds out her husband is cheating on her, she might have an emotional breakdown which can cause challenges and in some cases, the woman might hate herself to the point of death
He further cites instances where the situation differs.
“However, if the married couples are in the process of a divorce, and the man is seen dating another woman, I think his actions are justified because it wouldn’t be termed as cheating.
“But if you are still in the union – marriage, it isn’t right for you to date another woman, unless you want to marry her as a second wife and your current wife is well aware of your intentions.
He also advices that ladies should decease from throwing themselves at married men for money or anything. Well, including guys too because some of us date married women too. We should learn to up hold our dignity and the society would be a better place to live in
Looking at it from another angle, I believe people have choices to do things that pleases them. If a woman wishes to date a married man then she is free. But the question I will ask is – do these men tell their concubines that they are married ???
We ignore this fundamental part of the story and condemn the women, most times the men are hardly to blame about the issue of causing the infidelity, but I ask another question – Do you think that a Nigerian lady can walk up to a man and say I want to date ???.
Being in a relationship is a choice of the two people involved, they are consenting adults and they know the implications of getting into the relationship. We never truly know what happens in the lives of the two individuals, so who are we to judge.
Also commenting, Vincentia, a final year student of Mass Communication department, said ladies do have their reasons for dating married men.
“I really do not support ladies dating married men, but I think personally, they’ve got reasons.
1)could be marital unhappiness as a result of loveless marriage, wife’s status e.g pregnancy, satisfaction.
2) sometimes, these girls shoot their shots without wanting to consider who is affected. Like you know he’s married, yet you send him nudes, you call him your boyfriend, you are doing snake in the monkey shadow on the bed!! Okay o anuty!
3)some wives have neglected their marital duties, made themselves less presentable because some feel since he’s put a ring on it, he is mine forever etc then, making the man to seek a fresher, sexier version outside.
4) these men help young ladies a lot in exchange for sexual happiness. I say sexual happiness because most of them don’t even want a second wife, some that are lucky enough get to be baby mama’s. Society has made this seem right because of everyone having a right to express themself sexually and otherwise.
Most ladies, especially these upcoming hair vendors, make up artistes, video vixens, brand influencers and so on, have sugar daddies.
Take the case of one Stephanie girl that was rumored to be shina pellers babe and even our very own Cubana chief priest, used to have one.
You might wonder why these young ladies do not go for fresh blood. It is because of money, social status/class factor, some just like older men and most older men are married so there goes, ashewo spirit. (lmao)
This one is just pure sexual power at work. You know he is taken buh e no concern you ( meaning it is of no concern to you in Nigeria pigin language) at all..you must taste him.
5)men are just inborn cheats, don’t ask me why, we all know why.”
Vicentia has a funny but plain view on this issue, but then, for this to be regulated, women all over the world have to look out for themselves – why date a married man if you know you would not want someone else date yours?
“Men can cheat because there are so many women willing to give themselves to a man who doesn’t belong to them.” _ Steve Harvey